Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
