wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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