dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
