May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
ok first of all what the fuck
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
