i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
