One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
