I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
