somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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