Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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