you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
