She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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