Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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