New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
