Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Randomize
