happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
two words...techno handjob
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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