Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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