Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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