the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
