I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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