Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
True strength comes from lack of pants
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
