your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
