those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
