Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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