Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
