Do you still have your period?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
