go do what you do best...puke behind churches
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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