The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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