all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
