sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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