I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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