I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
