she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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