Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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