I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
