That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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