I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
