Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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