Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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