so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
