i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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