Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There r osticjed everywhere
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
