Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
