Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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