If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
