Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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