her vagine was all disorganized.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
