You can't special order awesome
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
