im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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