The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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