Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
