I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
