I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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