The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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