He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
