stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Vodka?
Forever.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
