So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
