fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
